Did anyone notice?
That is what I kept asking myself after hitting publish on my last post. The opening line was so obvious:
After 7 months of single parenting,
But, since I hadn’t told a lot of people, I wasn’t sure if anyone would really notice… or realize what I had just said. This was something I had been holding back from most people. Only a select few knew what was happening. Hell, my own grandfather didn’t even know until a few weeks ago.
But there it was. Published for all to see.
I was now a statistic. A public statistic. Like many marriages, mine was on the rocks. We had suffrered through much in our ten years of marriage – with the last five being complete killers.
When Sam was still in the NICU, I heard someone say that the percentage of preemie marriages that fail was astronomical.
When Sam was placed on the Autism Spectrum, I heard again about how hard a special needs kid is on a marriage.
Well… Here I am. Separated from my husband. Single parenting the best I can. Living the life of a statistic.
Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is not because of Sam.
Not by a long shot.
The problems in my marriage were there before Sam was born. The stress of Sam’s birth and special needs haven’t help, but they are not the cause of split. Life is the cause of our split.
At least now it is out there. The truth is out there, and I finally feel like I can get back to writing, and telling my story without holding back. It has been so hard these past seven months to write as I felt disingenuous. For anyone that has been reading this blog since it started knows, the absolute last thing I can be accused of is holding back and not being totally honest. Sometimes, I have been TOO honest and raw. Now that I took the chicken’s way out and copped to my single parenting status, I can finally go back to writing the way I like.
Raw, honest, open and uncensored.
I will start now. My husband and I separated in January and I am terrified about what is to come, but honestly excited about the possibilities.
I did notice the opening line of yesterday’s post, and actually clicked on the tag “single motherhood” in search of further explanation, wondering if it was a temporary work thing or a big decision. I wish you the best as you navigate this new challenge. I think the test of toddler poop plus late-night lice sounds like the ultimate in why single parenthood is so tough. That extra set of hands would have been nice.
You are really not alone. It’s not about being a statistic: it’s about authentic lives and the paths people take. The fact that stats point to separation just means it’s a valid choice for many parents.
Melissa,
All I can say is that when my (then) husband and I split (with my son being 4 years old) it turned out to be the BEST decision ever made. I am happier than I could have ever imagined, my son thrived, and actually, had that not happened, I would have never met you! Keep writing, keep posting, and keep parenting as you have been.
I noticed and was glad to see you finally came out! The time before gave you a chance to solidify your footing—and now, you can be your honest, tell it like I see it sort of friend I love. I am happy that you feel strong enough to put it out there…in writing…for the world…and now you can truly get back to telling your story. Looking forward to future readings from the super-mom. 😉
As you know, I did notice and wasn’t patient enough to wait for this post. Just what you needed…
I’m hopeful that as you share your story—no matter how hard it may be—that you realize how many people love you and want nothing but happiness for you. As you write, know that readers will want to know how they can support you. Ask, and I’m confident that you’ll be overwhelmed with love.